


Down

by drabblesinthemoonlight



Series: May The Stars Lead Me Back To You [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Child Abuse, Child Death, Child Neglect, Childhood Trauma, F/F, Female Tony Stark, Nightmares, Past Character Death, Pre-Slash, Red Room (Marvel), Red Room Tony Stark, Russian Natasha Romanov, Suicidal Natasha Romanov, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-01
Updated: 2019-04-11
Packaged: 2019-10-20 12:46:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17622647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drabblesinthemoonlight/pseuds/drabblesinthemoonlight
Summary: Natasha Romanov has been living with SHIELD for years, hiding away in what's left of their untouched bunkers. Even with HYDRA and the Red Room rising to power Natasha has one reason to live, to bury an old friend, properly.





	1. Nightmares

_ “Talia, look! The...Ah, nemnogo glubzhe?” _ __  
  


_ “The little dipper?” _ __  
  


_ “Yes! Isn’t it beautiful?”   _ __  
  


_ Not as beautiful as her. Tonya settled, more still than usual. _ __  
  


_ “I have to tell you something,” Tonya confessed, “you gotta promise not to tell anyone else.” _ __  
  


_ Natalia’s heart thud in her chest. _ __  
  


_ “What is it?” _ __  
  


_ “We’re going to get out of here. I promise, I’m going to find a way out, and you won’t have to hurt anymore, Talia. We’ll find a way to the stars!”  _ __  
  


_ Elation filled a cavity in Natalia's chest that disappeared whenever Tonya was nearby.   _ __  
  


_ "We can leave now," she convinced herself to say.  _ __  
  


_ Tonya's eyes go round.  _ __  
  


_ "What -- How?"  _ __  
  


_ "Through the window! We'll be fast. They won't miss us! A few measly--"  _ __  
  


_ "You are more than that Natalia."  _ __  
  


_ "-- I just need to boost you."  _ __  
  


_ "You're willing to risk that? What if I don't pull you over?"  _ __  
  


_ "I trust you," Natalia replied without missing a beat.  _ __  
  


_ "Natalia,” Tonya sounded breathless. _ __  
  


_ "I do, I truly, deeply do."  _

 

_ A big bright smile burst.  _

 

**_Glassy eyes, there's a crack._ **

 

_ “What are we waiting for?”  _

 

**_Limp. She wasn't --_ **

 

**_Breathing!_ **

**_Oh god--_ **

 

_ “Talia?”  _

 

_ Why did Tonya look wrong?  _

 

_ “I don't--” Natalia choked on honest to God tears--  _

 

**_She did that._ **

 

_ “Your neck?!”  _

 

_ Crooked and wrong, mottled with purple. Her eyes were bloodshot. _

 

**_Her fault._ **

 

_ “You made me this way didn't you?” Tonya asked innocently, “You needed to please them.”  _

 

_ “No!”  _

 

_ “You’re just their dog.” _

 

**_Tonya’s cold cold hands wrapped around her neck._ **

 

_ “You monster, you didn't ever love me.”  _

 

_ “I did!”  _

 

_ “But I loved you! I didn't even struggle! All for you! And how do you repay me? You leave me.” _

 

**_She hadn't meant to!_ **

 

_ “In that mass grave, cold and rotting with the others! I was alone Talia! No stars to see because my eyes were covered with earth!”  _

 

**_Natalia chokes, god she deserves it._ **

 

_ “Why did you do it, Talia?”  _

 

_ “I--”  _

 

_ “Why did you follow them? Why didn't you hold me, dying under your hands? When I needed you most!”  _

 

**_She couldn't breathe, it burned!_ **

 

_ “I needed you.”  _

 

Natasha woke up screaming. 


	2. Interference

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I know you’re planning on sneaking out. I checked the food rations for the usual bit of extra I sneak for the kiddos, and it was gone. You’re the only other one who knows about that. Now tell me before I tell Fury, or worse, Carter.”
> 
> Natasha rolled her eyes.
> 
> “I have to go.”
> 
> “Where?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT: I have extended this chapter!

The shooting range was bleak, underfunded, but usable. The lights flickered above in the steel cages which kept them suspended, Natasha missed the bullseye.

 

“Oh, no perfect ten out of ten, what’s bothering you, Red?” Clint drawled easily.

 

Natasha aggressively changed her Glock's clip.

 

“Nothing,” Natasha replied tersely.

 

She aimed again.

 

Shot.

 

The noise reverberated.

 

_Bang!_

 

The sound rocked her brain.

 

“C’mon, we’re buddies aren’t we?”

 

“Drop it, Clint.”

 

“Oh piss off, tell me what’s going on.”

 

“None of your damn business,” Natasha whipped around. A

 

A bullet embedded itself in the wall beside Clint’s head.

 

“Jesus,” the agent wheezed.

 

“Leave me alone, Barton. Last warning.”

 

“Hey, I’m trying to save your ass here!”

 

Natasha stilled.

 

“What?”

 

“I know you’re planning on sneaking out. I checked the food rations for the usual bit of extra I sneak for the kiddos, and it was gone. You’re the only other one who knows about that. Now tell me before I tell Fury, or worse, _Carter._ ”

 

Natasha rolled her eyes.

 

“I have to go.”

 

“Where?”

 

 

“A - a facility, the one I grew up in. There’s something I need to settle.”

 

“Without any backup? Are you crazy? It’s bound to be HYDRA infested, _everything_ is HYDRA infested these days.”

 

“It’s abandoned, has been for years. I’ve kept tabs. Has been ever since I - I _defected_. But I need to find her, I need to put her body to rest. Properly.”

 

“Jesus, Tasha. _Body_?”

 

“Yes,” Natasha seethed, hands fisted, gun on the side table.  

 

“Tasha, it’s too dangerous. Stay,” Clint pleaded.

 

“I know where the facility was, it’ll be quick I just gotta-”

 

“- ‘find the body’, you’ve said that already.”

 

“You’re not seeing where I’m coming from!”

 

“Oh yeah I do,” Clint replied sharply, “I see someone going on a suicide mission because that _survivor’s guilt_ has clawed its way up your throat and into that gorgeous brain of yours.”

 

“It’s abandoned.”

 

“I don’t see--”

 

“Don’t say it.”

 

“I don’t see why one dead girl’s body means so much to you.”

 

“She sacrificed herself for me. We were _kids, she deserved better_ …”

 

“So what, this is just another way to wipe red off your ledger? If she sacrificed herself for you don’t you think she’d rather you keep from getting captured again?!”

 

“I’m putting myself at risk, every day, fighting SHIELD’s goddamn crusade, how is this any different?! Is it because I’m doing it for me? What happened to being my own person, Clint?!”

 

“Don’t turn this around on me!”

 

“You’re the one who won’t let me go!”

 

“I just don’t want to see you hurt!”

 

A pause, the silence rung sharply.

 

“I know. I’m still going.”

 

Another pause.

 

“Then I’m coming with you.”

 

“We’ll have to slip past whoever’s on guard.”

 

“You already have a plan don’t you?”

 

Natasha huffed haughtily, “Maybe.”

 

“Cause it’s the month end raid tomorrow night?”

 

She didn’t need to answer.

 

“Well, let’s get to making a _convincing excuse_ to ditch.”

 

“What, you don’t think I would’ve gotten away with it?” Natasha challenged lightly.

  
“Sure, but let’s leave badass distractions to _the master_.”

 

* * *

 

 

Noises: crows of victory, frustration, and exasperation were numerous and overwhelming. The sounds of work. The last time Natasha had seen her Red Room was shortly after she turned fourteen. It wasn’t like _this_. The facility was _crawling with_  HYDRA and RR alike.

 

Natasha had left the place  _razed,_ metaphorically salted the ground so _nothing_ like what she’d been through could grow. At least, that was what she thought.

 _She shouldn’t have left_ **_anyone_ ** _alive._

 

 _“'It’s abandoned,’_ yeah?” Clint whispered drily beside Natasha.

 

She glared at him out of the corner of her eye.

 

“They must’ve used stock footage and updated their security so I couldn’t notice anything further than they let me,” she reasoned.

 

Natasha sounded tired.

 

She _was_ tired.

 

“Well, it obviously is _not..._ So…” he drew out the ‘o’.

 

“We’re still going in.”

 

“But Natasha--”

 

“Shh!”

 

“Do you even have a plan? Dig up her body during the skeleton shift and burn it like in Return of the Jedi?” Clint asked incredulously.

 

“No.”

 

“Just what, then?”

 

“This place was _hidden_ , using tech they obviously don’t have elsewhere--”

 

“And?”

 

“-- _And so_ . That means there’s something special here. Breakable and _essential_ to their operation.”

 

Clint looked _horrified._

 

“You don’t mean--”

 

“I’m going to _break_ it, Clint. Whatever it is they’re doing so well to hide.” Natasha grinned.

 

He went pale in the dim lights which shone from the facility.


End file.
